My Kids

I have some cool kids. I love my kids. I love their unique personalities. I have chosen to spend my days and nights with them. They are in close proximity to me 99 percent of the time. I am so thankful that I am able to stay home with them and homeschool them. With all of that said...I often feel so guilty because I let life get busy, I let to do lists take precedence and I don't enjoy them the way I want to. I don't have fun with them. Instead I order them around, nag, complain, or shush them so I can think to do whatever it is I am distracted by in the moment. I think part of the problem is that there is no delineation between "my time" and time with them. They are just always around and often trying to talk to and interact with me. I feel so guilty because I so seldom stop what I'm doing, and look at them when they are talking to me. This is something I really want to change. If I don't there will come a day when I look back and realize that their childhood is gone and there are no do-overs. My life is likely not going to get any less busy, my to do list will likely not get any shorter, I won't get any better about trying to do too much, but my attitude can certainly change. I can quit the grumbling and complaining and choose joy. The other night at a theatre event I was feeling very impatient with my kids. It didn't help that they were trying to steal my fries. I relish each and every fry and do not like to share. And, because I generally say what I am thinking I sort of launched into a diatribe about how my kids are making me crazy b/c they are THERE all the time. It didn't help that I had this little meltdown conversation with two ladies that don't homeschool and therefore probably don't "get" it. They were probably thinking that I should put my kids in school since I am so obviously unhappy with having them at home. I have found myself wanting to write those two ladies an e-mail or just talk to them explaining myself and letting them know that I am happy but that seems lame. I was being "real" in the moment and I can't just explain it away. I am just hoping that I have also shown the side of me that is enjoying my kids and happy with my kids. Because this is the thing--I do have great kids. I seldom say that and certainly don't rave about my kids in my FB statuses or even on this blog like some moms do. I've jokingly said that I am just not that enamored by my kids, we spend too much time together. :0)
One thing that I am not good at is taking time to "stop and smell the roses." I want to do that more and do that with my kids. Maybe incorporate more walks and bike rides into our day while the weather is nice. Or take school to the park or to the lake as one of my FB friends did today. My kids deserve more of me and more of a happy, calm me. Not the me who is forever running amok doing this, that, and the other. This is my new goal--not to get loads of school done every day, not to finish the science book, not to be the perfect homeschooler--but instead to enjoy my days as I live life with my kids. Much easier said than done!!