Be a New Mom By Friday

That should be the title of the book, "Have a New Kid by Friday."  This book came at a perfect point in my parenting journey.  As most of my readers know, I have three children and one of them is extremely strong willed.  That would be my sweet son, Joe.  If you have never parented a true strong willed child you can not fully understand how exhausting it can be.  How discouraging it can be.  How maddening it can be.  I jokingly say that just like God's mercies are new every morning--so is Joe's will.  It's like every day we must establish again that yes, I am the mom and I am the boss.  Today is not the day that you get to run the house.  Probably the last 6 months or so I have become a very lazy, angry parent.  With Joe that is.  I've been avoiding conflict for as long as I can avoid it and then when I can't take anymore I would get furious and scream and yell and rant and rave and he would cry and scream and ultimately we would make up until the next battle.  Can we say, "completely ineffective and stupid??"  So, it was at this point that I picked up the book "Have a New Kid by Friday."  Within the first day of reading it I started putting some of Dr. Leman's suggestions into action and wow--it worked.  Most of what he has to say is totally logical and truly nothing extraordinary.  But--it's practical and easy and can be put into practice immediately.  The best thing that I learned was to "Say it once.  Turn your back.  Walk away."  Until trying that I didn't realize that I would give a command and then wait for the fit.  I started doing just what Leman says and Joe didn't stop pitching a fit but I stopped reacting because I was walking away going on about my business.  I chose to stop being angry and take control of my own emotions so I could better handle Joe's.  A week later and I have not freaked out even once because of Joe's behavior.  Although his behavior hasn't changed completely there are some radical changes that I am sooo happy about.  One of them is that he is completely dressing himself.  I know, the kid is almost 6, he should have been dressing himself for years. But, he's the baby and a strong willed one at that and so I've been dressing him so that he doesn't freak out.  I quit doing that and the first day he screamed for a half hour because he couldn't find the hole to put his head in in his shirt.  He finally found it and proceeded to dress himself.  He's continued to dress himself daily and after a week the fits are over.  He just does it.  I've noticed that he is obeying more and doing it without screaming or complaining.  We still have a long way to go but I feel much more confident now that I have a direction and tools for parenting him.  The basics are this:

• Say it once.  Turn your back.  Walk away.
• Let reality be the teacher.
• Learn to respond rather than react.
• B doesn't happen until A is completed. (they don't get what they want until you get what you want)

There is a great index in the back of the book with common problems that parents have with kids and with advice about how to deal with them.  It gives great advice for every age, particularly the ages my kids are right now.  I highly recommend it!  Even if your kids are easy and never give you a minute of trouble...are there any kids like that?