Are you kidding me?

So today I spent way too much time dealing with insurance issues--choosing a new pediatrician.  When I called the insurance company to make my change I was greeted by one of those computer voices.  I really hate those and have been known to immediately start pushing "O" a million times until they let me talk to a live person but today I decided to be patient.  I made all of my children leave the room so that their voices wouldn't mess me up.  The first thing I hear is in spanish.  I thinking asking if I speak spanish.  And then...to fully get the funny here you need to imagine the following being said with that syrupy sweet perfectly enunciated computer voice...

"If you feel like you might hurt yourself or someone else, please say "crisis."

What?  I have never heard that at the beginning of one of these before.  After having to hang up and start over for various reasons about 5 times I wanted to scream "crisis" and see if I could get a real live human being to talk to me.  I didn't though and eventually got my business taken care of and went on to not hurt myself or anyone else.